Blowing Your Nose into a Mocha Latte While Having Sex on a Treadmill

Admit it, you like to get a little freaky. We all have our vices. A couple martinis after work. Steak tartare on national h0lidays. Naked dwarf bowling every Saturday night.

But did you know that something as simple as a spin class orgy at the local Starbucks while suffering through a bad case of pollen allergies can very slightly increase your chance of a stroke? Don’t say that MSNBC didn’t give us fair warning:

Vlak and her colleagues found the triggers by interviewing 250 people who had suffered an aneurysmal subarachnoid hemorrhage (a ruptured aneurysm that resulted in stroke). These people were asked to fill out a questionnaire on 30 potential triggers that may have occurred before the hemorrhage, and the intensity and frequency of the exposure.

In addition to the increased risk from coffee-drinking, physical exercise, nose-blowing and sexual intercourse, researchers also found that straining to defecate increased rupture risk by 3.6 percent and consumption of soda increased rupture risk by 3.5 percent.

Oh well. At least we can still stay in bed all day with the shades drawn while eating double-fudge cheesecake with a plastic fork without anything to worry about. They can never take that away from us.

Why It Can Kill You

Recklessly engaging in caffeine-based kickboxing sex with a stuffed nose can actually cause an existing aneurysm to rupture. Some 9 out of every 100,000 people are vulnerable to a blood vessel blowout. If you are one of them, you have incredibly bad luck.

With such terrible fortune, chances are that a piano falling from the sky will scare you into the street where you will break your ankle in a pothole and be unable to escape the jaws of the hungry tiger that just escaped from the nearby zoo.