Nobody ever writes on their job application “My objective is to ignore everything asked of me, behave like a socially deaf orangutan, and drive my officemates to suicidal fantasies.” But then they get hired and do all that stuff anyway.

It might just seem like your treacherously incompetent co-workers are taking years off your life, but they actually are, according to the Toronto Sun:

New research published by the American Psychological Association found workers who have a good peer support system in the workplace live longer than those who don’t.

Although the study doesn’t say it, this is obviously why people who work from home are the most productive sector of the economy. No co-workers, no meetings, and no pants.

But the real scoop is buried at the end of the research summary:

…having control and the authority to make decisions increased the risk of mortality among women in the study.

Finally, science has caught up to what middle eastern men everywhere have known for generations.

Why It Can Kill You

Unsupportive co-workers reduce morale, and low morale leads to

• excess consumption of sugar,
• decreased salt intake,
• sitting down,
• and asphyxiating yourself with a plastic bag.